Sometimes I really question if I should share anything here at all. I don't know that these posts really help anyone. I don't know who is on the other-side of the screen and if you're rolling your eyes as your scroll by yet another one of my sappy posts. From day one, that I began sharing our journey, I did it to help others heal (even if it is just one person). So here's to healing.
Occasionally, I'll remember something so vividly, I feel as if I can almost touch it...perhaps bring it back and relive it once more.
Exactly one year and 1 day ago, we said goodbye to someone very precious. I don't often think of that time in my life. Like most, I block out these sort of memories because I'm afraid to feel to much. That, my friends, is the theme of this entry.
I block out nearly 6 months of the last year because they hurt. The climax and grand finale came all too suddenly and my fairy-tale was shattered. Why go back? Why remember such painful days?
Because, there were happy days too. When I block out the pain, I also block out the beauty. Oh, those beautiful, blessed days.
So here are some of my most favorite moments from that period of my life, and what I learned.
- Telling Zechariah and family the news.
- Having to explain to some family members that we were not buying chickens, we were hatching an actual human. I laughed about this for the longest time.
- When Mommy Stelzer took our announcement photos for us.
- The brightness that seemed to fill every day. Even the days that I was sick, there was a genuine joy that came with it.
- Meeting our midwives, who would eventually become dear friends.
- Hearing a heartbeat for the very first time.
Things I learned:
- To be happy.
To be genuinely, truly happy. Not to worry about the past, or the future...but to just be happy for as long as I possibly could for I never knew how long it would last.
2. That we were stronger than we knew.
3. That the Lord answers prayers at unexpected times...and in unexpected ways.
You know, the evening before we found out we were pregnant with our second child - we sat on the couch with each other crying out to the Lord. Asking why we were still waiting. Asking why he gives and takes away. Little did we know the joy that we would experience only a few hours later.
So, friends, don't be afraid to feel. To remember. It's worth it.