Dear Doctor

I walked into your office just wanting answers. I was tired. Tired of feeling sick, tired of losing babies, tired of being told all the things that were wrong with me. When someone comes and tells me all the things my body isn't doing right, it feels like I've failed. I've failed Zechariah. I've failed my children. I've failed. So I go to your office hoping that you can fix me. 

You are friendly enough but I already know what you will tell me. You can't give me what I want. You order more blood work and say you'll get back to me. The truth is, you can't fix me. You know it and I know it. 

The truth is dear reader, no one can fix us. Healing doesn't come from doctors, medications, herbs, or the multitude of other options out there. Healing comes from God. Yes, God uses these wonderful resources available to us but if you put your faith in them instead of Him, you will be sorely disappointed. The medical world has made leaps and bounds in recent years and yet there are still so many gaps. We must do our best with the resources we have and trust God to fill in the gap.

I understand the frustration of just wanting to be fixed. I understand the painful hope. I have gone through it all. I have cried until I don't have any tears left. The one thing that has held me together is the truth the I find in God's word. The peace that will overwhelm my heart in the saddest of times. The strength to continue on and not lose hope.

I can honestly say that I have come to a place of peace with where I am at. Physically, I feel better than I have in quite some time. I am still learning about my body and how to help it. I am still going to doctors. I am still taking multiple supplements. Emotionally, I am joyful. It's a gentle joy that comes with that overwhelming peace.

The advice I would give to anyone struggling with their health is the following.

Some days are hard. Some days are great. Some days it'd be easier to throw it all to the wind and go hide under a rock. Don't give up my dear reader. Health is something that takes time to gain. Healing doesn't come overnight. If you are discouraged, talk to someone about it. If you are annoyed with people asking questions, have patience but don't be afraid to politely tell them that you'd rather not discus it right now.

Trust the Lord with your healing. Not with a faint heart but with faith. I feel that often times God uses these situations to build our faith. This healing journey of yours can be whatever you want it to be. It can draw you closer to the Lord. It can make you a testimony to others. On the flip side, it can make you unthankful. It can destroy your most important relationships. It can make you miserable. Purpose in your heart to make it a season of life that you look back on and are not ashamed of.